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The word “narcissist” derives from a story in Greek mythology. One day, a mountain nymph named Echo happens upon a handsome young man named Narcissus. He spurns Echo’s advances and dismisses her, leaving her heartbroken. She pines away until the only thing of her that remains is her voice (the sound of an echo). As a punishment, the goddess Nemesis punishes Narcissus by having him fall in love with his own reflection. Entranced by his own beauty, he eventually dies and turns into the flower that bears his name. 

As we will see, the typical characteristics of narcissists will appear quite similar to their tragic mythological forebear.

There are narcissists at church. You might have one in your family. It might even be you. This isn’t something to take lightly. Narcissism includes qualities and characteristics that are opposed to the gospel message. Thankfully, there are some warning signs. We all want to avoid getting trapped in a toxic relationship with one of these people. And if that narcissist is us, these are some areas we might need to work on to become more Christlike.

Arrogance. Narcissists celebrate their achievements more than others. They tend to brag and can be dismissive. Further, they need to be right all the time. One of the differences between confidence and narcissism is that confident people can admit when they’re wrong, but narcissists will usually only do it if it makes them look magnanimous or confers some advantage (e.g., making them appear gracious to someone they want to influence). It’s nearly impossible for them to be vulnerable in relationships and connect on a deeper emotional level with others—they’re too busy trying to impress or dominate.

A Need for Admiration. Narcissistic people need constant praise and recognition. In social media, this takes the form of likes, loves, emojis, followers, and subscriptions. But it isn’t just getting this attention; it’s keeping it. They elicit praise from others but always want more, no matter how much they get. They may secretly despise their imperfections, harbor a great deal of shame, or lack self-esteem. They tend to surround themselves with followers who will feed their ego (usually people they can influence or manipulate). If you don’t fawn over them, they’ll ignore you.

A Lack of Empathy. Narcissists don’t value empathy. They may be able to fake it by parroting the sympathetic things other people say, but narcissists have great difficulty truly empathizing with others. They might ask how you’re doing or seem to express concern, but they will quickly shift the conversation to themselves. They have little ability or willingness to understand the needs of others. Their needs come first. 

A Sense of Entitlement. The narcissist believes he deserves special treatment, even at someone else’s expense. They think they are superior to others. They deserve nothing less than the best. They’ll look elsewhere if you don’t give them what they feel they deserve. 

Downplaying Others’ Success or Celebrating Their Misfortune. Narcissists don’t care about other people, and they don’t like rivals. They sometimes do their level best to tear others down. They might criticize others behind closed doors or celebrate when they fail, all to make themselves look better. They may secretly (or not-so-secretly) celebrate when others stumble. 

Blame-Shifting. When they fail, narcissists look for a fall guy. They need to look good, if not perfect. When they don’t, they turn to someone they can blame (often someone close to them). Relationships with narcissists are often abusive and demoralizing to the other person. 

Projection. One of the most bizarre behaviors of narcissists is their tendency to project their misdeeds onto other people. They will blame you for what they do. It’s weird and utterly ridiculous because most people can see through the lie, but they tell it with total confidence anyway. 

There are indications that a person might be a narcissist. They flatter other people, can be incredibly charming and complimentary, talk about themselves a lot, and have little genuine interest in the lives of others. They tend to be disagreeable when they don’t get their way. Be careful around these people—they do exist even in the church. But remember: every child of God is still a descendant of Adam. All of us are human, sometimes more than we would like. All of us have shortcomings we could spend a lifetime trying to fix.

If you have any of the signs detailed above, you might need to take a long look in the mirror and then make a plan to better reflect the image of Christ.